ivorycalifornia:

i told my mom i was gonna exercise and she laughed at me

mszombi:

meladoodle:

one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad

Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.

moonemojii:

when kids stare at you for a long time
image

cowboycliche:

One of my favorite twitter exchanges

eiffeled:

A person’s tumblr tells a lot about them. It shows what kind of images they see in their head, who they love, who they hate, even what they think about other people.

  • soda can: HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • me: chill
  • seejelly:

    two years ago i was licking a lollipop and some dude said “watching a girl eat a lollipop is a great way to see how well she gives blowjobs” so i bit the lollipop in half and spit it out 

    gnny:

    are you ever looking at weird stuff on the internet and ur paranoid its going to end up on facebook somehow because facebook is connected to like everything

  • Straight Person: Are you gay because a guy fucked you over?
  • Me: No, I'm gay because a girl fucked me right.
  • itll:

    how does wikipedia know the height of every celebrity

    wilderness-lair-shatterdome:

    Current status: not being kissed or riding a dragon this is unacceptable

    foxnewsofficial:

    hey could you hold this for me a second *gives you my hand*